We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize