Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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