I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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