It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
