Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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