Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
