take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You ate ashes out of my bong
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
