You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
