so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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