It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
