Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
