dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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