I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
