between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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