who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize