i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
