i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
