absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
