What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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