I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize