so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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