Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
