I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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