Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
