Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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