I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
