marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
