i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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