apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
