Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
