Do you still have your period?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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