she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
