thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
