last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
