Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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