I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
