It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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