Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
last night I used snow as a chaser
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
