i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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