what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
