Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
