mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
