Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
