My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
