Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
