I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
