new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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