The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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