someone get that fucking seahorse.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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