Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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