You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
