got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
