Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
