cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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