then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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