took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
