Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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