On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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