i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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