I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
