You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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