dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
