This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
