C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
