I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
