Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have so many feelings about this burrito
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
