Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
