we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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