Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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