it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize