Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
