dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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