where am i from again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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