If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
