I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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