If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize