You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
