While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
