I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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