Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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