youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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