need another drink. this is the easiest way
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
whose parrot is this?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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