everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
