idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
