Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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