Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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