great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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