Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
