My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
