Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
