i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
