Screwed.edu
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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