Sry I called you an 8
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
