I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
