if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
