He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
