I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
