I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
