i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize