I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
