Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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